Stock Up On....Tuna?

That's your federal government's recommendation for surviving bird flu. Rummy (Donald Rumsfeld makes $5m killing on bird flu drug) would recommend getting the Tamiflu shot, but that's just science. Powdered milk and canned tuna are the official way to go. Perhaps the mercury in the tuna is a cure?

Stockpile tuna for bird flu crisis, says HHS secretary

March 13, 2006 - In a remarkable speech over the weekend, Secretary of Health and Human Services Michael Leavitt recommended that Americans start storing canned tuna and powdered milk under their beds as the prospect of a deadly bird flu outbreak approaches the United States.

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ABC News has obtained a mathematical projection prepared by federal scientists based on an initial outbreak on an East Coast chicken farm. Within three months, with no vaccine, almost half of the country would have the flu.

As Brilliant at Breakfast puts it:

So just as Tom Ridge advised Americans to stock up on duct tape and plastic sheeting as a means of keeping them terrified so they wouldn't notice how Osama Bin Laden was still on the loose and the war in Iraq was going badly, so is Mike Leavitt now telling people that only a can of Chicken of the Sea stands between them and certain death.

[Insert your own mercury contamination joke here.]

A loaf of bread....a jug of wine....a can of tuna....and bird flu