The New Father Coughlin

This is a great video showing the true insanity of Glenn Beck. His crazy rants, shown at 2x speed. Half the time, double the crazy:



This is what all your teabagging friends are listening too. This is the person they are telling you is making sense. Whee!

The Socialist Life of the Fox News Viewer

I am an American Conservative Shithead

This morning I was awoken by my alarm clock powered by electricity generated by the public power monopoly regulated by the U.S. Department of Energy.

I then took a shower in the clean water provided by a municipal water utility.

After that, I turned on the TV to one of the FCC-regulated channels to see what the National Weather Service of the National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration determined the weather was going to be like, using satellites designed, built, and launched by the National Aeronautics and Space Administration.

I watched this while eating my breakfast of U.S. Department of Agriculture-inspected food and taking the drugs which have been determined as safe by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration.

At the appropriate time, as regulated by the U.S. Congress and kept accurate by the National Institute of Standards and Technology and the U.S. Naval Observatory, I get into my National Highway Traffic Safety Administration-approved automobile and set out to work on the roads built by the local, state, and federal Departments of Transportation, possibly stopping to purchase additional fuel of a quality level determined by the Environmental Protection Agency, using legal tender issued by the Federal Reserve Bank.

On the way out the door I deposit any mail I have to be sent out via the U.S. Postal Service and drop the kids off at the public school.

After spending another day not being maimed or killed at work thanks to the workplace regulations imposed by the Department of Labor and the Occupational Safety and Health administration, enjoying another two meals which again do not kill me because of the USDA, I drive my NHTSA car back home on the DOT roads, to my house which has not burned down in my absence because of the state and local building codes and Fire Marshal's inspection, and which has not been plundered of all its valuables thanks to the local police department.

And then I log on to the internet -- which was developed by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Administration -- and post on Freerepublic.com and Fox News forums about how SOCIALISM in medicine is BAD because the government can't do anything right.

This interwebs gem was originally published by Americablog.

Conservatives Are Stupid: Graduation Edition

From Media Matters

Religious Crackpots

The Daily Show covers two crackpot religious leaders, one of whom describes Obama as the Antichrist, the other as Hitler. Funny until you realize that these two whackjobs have been featured on CNN and of course Fox Noise.

Even scarier if they've gotten federal funds for their "faith-based" evangelism.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Unusual Suspect

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things With Demetri Martin

Funny Political News
Joke of the Day

Jon Stewart Watches Fox News So You Don't Have To

Fox News is apparently in full panic mode over the election of Barack Obama. Run for your lives, wingnuts!

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Fox News Fear Imbalance

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

How John McCain Ended Up With Caribou Barbie

They met her on a neocon cruise and she wowed them with the grace she said before lunch. Really!

Jane Mayer, The New Yorker: The Insiders
How John McCain came to pick Sarah Palin.

Shortly after taking office, Palin received two memos from Paulette Simpson, the Alaska Federation of Republican Women leader, noting that two prominent conservative magazines—The Weekly Standard, owned by Rupert Murdoch’s News Corporation, and National Review, founded by William F. Buckley, Jr.—were planning luxury cruises to Alaska in the summer of 2007, which would make stops in Juneau. Writers and editors from these publications had been enlisted to deliver lectures to politically minded vacationers. “The Governor was more than happy to meet these guys,” Joe Balash, a special staff assistant to Palin, recalled.

On June 18, 2007, the first group disembarked in Juneau from the Holland America Line’s M.S. Oosterdam, and went to the governor’s mansion, a white wooden Colonial house with six two-story columns, for lunch. The contingent featured three of The Weekly Standard ’s top writers: William Kristol, the magazine’s Washington-based editor, who is also an Op-Ed columnist for the Times and a regular commentator on “Fox News Sunday”; Fred Barnes, the magazine’s executive editor and the co-host of “The Beltway Boys,” a political talk show on Fox News; and Michael Gerson, the former chief speechwriter for President Bush and a Washington Post columnist.

By all accounts, the luncheon was a high-spirited, informal occasion. Kristol brought his wife and daughter; Gerson brought his wife and two children. Barnes, who brought his sister and his wife, sat on one side of Governor Palin, who presided at the head of the long table in the mansion’s formal dining room; the Kristols sat on the other. Gerson was at the opposite end, as was Palin’s chief of staff at the time, Mike Tibbles, who is now working for Senator Stevens’s reëlection campaign. The menu featured halibut cheeks—the choicest part of the fish. Before the meal, Palin delivered a lengthy grace. Simpson, who was at the luncheon, said, “I told a girlfriend afterwards, ‘That was some grace!’ It really set the tone.” Joe Balash, Palin’s assistant, who was also present, said, “There are not many politicians who will say grace with the conviction of faith she has. It’s a daily part of her life.”

[]

[In July of 2008 on] “Fox News Sunday,” Kristol again pushed Palin when asked whom McCain should pick: “Sarah Palin, whom I’ve only met once but I was awfully impressed by—a genuine reformer, defeated the establishment up there. It would be pretty wild to pick a young female Alaska governor, and I think, you know, McCain might as well go for it.” On July 22nd, again on Fox, Kristol referred to Palin as “my heartthrob.”

Hey, maybe McCain wouldn't have been stuck with Sarah Wingnut if she'd used my favorite grace: "Good bread, good meat; Good Lord, let's eat!"

Jon Stewart Mocks Fox

Poor, pitiful Fox Noise. Their permanent Republican majority is evaporating along with their investments. Republicans can't talk about the economy because they own it, they caused it, they screwed all of us. So instead of covering the economy, they're covering anything else. Suck a lemon, Roger Ailes.

Ode to Sean Hannity

HannityIsAMoron.com

By John Cleese, the Minister of Silly Walks:

Ode to Sean Hannity

by John Cleese

Aping urbanity
Oozing with vanity
Plump as a manatee
Faking humanity
Journalistic calamity
Intellectual inanity
Fox Noise insanity
You’re a profanity
Hannity

The 62-Second Sarah Palin Fox Noise Interview

Sarah Palin appeared on the Republican Party channel (Fox) this week for a few hours of down-the-middle softball questions. No one could have stood to watch the obsequiousness of Sean Hannity live, so Keith Olbermann helpfully boiled it down to its essence.

Friday Funny

Bill O'Lielly and Geraldo Rivera arguing in half-speed slow motion. You're on the Slo-Reilly Factor:



hat tip to BoingBoing

Obama To Go On O'Lielly Thursday

This is how to take on O'Reilly: Colbert on O'Reilly, January 18, 2007.

Obama is coming out fighting, going on Fox Noise Thursday night to debate Stephen Colbert's Papa Bear Bill O'Reilly.

I like the fighting spirit. But I don't want to give Fox any credit as a media outlet, though. They're the House Organ, the Pravda of the rightwing revolution, not a news organization.

Much better than going on Fox Noise is Obama's new radio ad, running in Virginia, Wisconsin, Colorado, and Iowa, touting his support for abortion rights and McCain's opposition. That appeals to the almost 70% of American voters who favor choice. It's good to see a Democrat attacking Republicans on this issue.

Go Read

Good news story of the day: the Supreme Court ruled that The Great Writ, the writ of habeas corpus, applies to the Guantanamo Bay prisoners: The Rule of Law Prevailed The prisoners are entitled to challenge their detention in federal court; the Bushies have failed in their attempt to create an extrajudicial SuperMax prison for the world. But it was only a 5-4 decision; our democracy rests on the weary shoulders of 88-year-old Justice John Paul Stephens. Elect Obama, save the Court.

To understand why this is so offensive, you must know that in contemporary jargon, "baby mama" means unwed mother: Fox News calls Michelle Obama "Obama's baby mama"

36-year-old right-wing nutjob Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal keeps getting invited to McCain's house for ribs as a VP candidate. Perhaps he's banished a few spirits while he's there? After all, he's an exorcist! Is Bobby Jindal -- Who May Be On McCain's Veep Shortlist -- An Exorcist?

We all know the corporate media is bought and paid for. And then we see the concrete evidence. David Broder, the supposed "dean of the Washington press corps" is selling his own corpse to speak at coporate events. If they're lucky, he then features their issue in a column. Presstitute. David Broder’s Moonlighting: Post columnist benefits from corporate speaking deals

Friday Night Funnies

Suitable for all liberal audiences:



Suitable for Obama supporters:



Suitable for all sentient humans:

FoxNews Reporter Laughs About Assassinating Obama (Updated)

Lauren S., dailykos: FoxNews Jokes About Obama Being Assassinated (w/ video)

Here's what the Fox News contributor Liz Trotta said about Obama on Fox yesterday:

"and now we have what ... uh ... some are reading as a suggestion that somebody knock off Osama ... uh ... um Obama .... well both if we could [giggles]"

Liz Trotta, monster.

Update: She apologized, sorta. It was a joke!

Falafel!

I read earlier today that Faux News blowhard Bill O'Reilly pushed an Obama campaign staffer and had to be restrained by the Secret Service.

Just now I read a Slate magazine piece on the same incident, which reports that people in the crowd were chanting "falafel!" to BillO.

A number of people shouted falafel, the word O'Reilly used in a racy set of telephone conversations with a young woman he was trying to seduce as he described a shower they might take together. He meant loofa, which is not a Middle Eastern delicacy but a bath item.

Falafel!

Bill O, In Song

This is hysterical. A musical performance of Mackris v. O'Reilly, the sexual harassment case which Bill O'Reilly quickly settled. The transcript of the recording of Bill O'Reilly's phone call is sung by baritone Charles Robert Stephens.


Excerpt from "Mackris v. O'Reilly", a baroque oratorio composed by Igor Keller. Libretto uses verbatim transcript of sexual harassment complaint brought against Bill O'Reilly in 2004.

Random Red Sawx Notes

Boston Globe
- I just drove by two girls, maybe 10 years old, in a park on the edge of Main St., holding up a sign that said "Honk if you Love the Red Sox", both outfitted in Sox shirts and sunglasses, screamingly gleefully at each car that honked as it went by. Pure joy.

- What's with Clint Hurdle and the bobbing cap? I've never seen anyone chew their gum so intensely that those little muscles on the side of your temples could move your baseball cap. It's really weird to watch.

- Someone please give Tim McCarver and Joe Buck a big cup of STFU. I would pay extra for a TV that let me mute announcers and listen to nothing but the crowd noise.

- What's with all the limp dick ads during the World Series? Pee medicine, erection medicine, ewwwwwwww. Last night I noticed that the first one came on at 10:00 p.m. Luckily the two kids in the room were already asleep, so I didn't have to explain weak stream or four hour erections to teenagers. Are baseball fans the target audience? Is there a high percentage of men with defective equipment watching the Series? Personally, I'm sick of hearing about it.

- Jonathon Papelbon is married. Can you imagine living with him? Does he make that face at home? Is it his Baby let's do it face? (That question is definitely influenced by all those limp dick ads I've been forced to watch for the last two weeks.) Dance? Talk crazy? I'd imagine that he is exhilarating, infuriating and exhausting, all in the same day.

- Did anyone else feel kind of icky hearing the bullpen band banging out the Atlanta Braves Indian tom-tom rhythm while Jacoby Ellsbury was batting? And a couple of them were doing the tomahawk chop. To me, that's racist and not cool. John Henry: a little education is in order here.

- Ellsbury a/k/a Tacoby Bellsbury wins America a free taco with an uncontested steal. Appropriate as he is the fastest guy on the field. This NYTimes writer is offended by the taped conversations in the dugout about the Taco Bell challenge; to me they make sense. These guys didn't come from money. They probably still go to Taco Bell while making their million dollar salaries.

- I love love love Pedroia the Destroia. Especially since I'm convinced I can look him in the eye. He's listed at 5'9", but Francona says he's 5'7", and on ESPN the other night Peter Gammons said what I believe to be true: He's 5'5". He's the Muggsy Bogues of baseball! Some other guy on ESPN said Pedroia has the smallest hands he's ever seen on a major league baseball player. They don't look freakishly small to me, but the camera does put on 10 lbs.

Feel the Pedroia love: Arizona Republic, USAToady, Boston Globe, The Republican, Braves.scout.com, East Valley (AZ) Tribune, Boston Herald (his mom), Dallas Morning News, Los Angeles Times, San Diego Union Tribune.

- Best sign of the night had to be the giant dancing Papelbon puppet. The swinging legs! The compression shorts! Two-dimensional Cinco Ocho.

- Hope the Sox resign Mike Lowell, if just to save me from the horror of having to watch Alex Rodriguez, the pretty loser. I just can't cheer for the guy. Let the Cubs have him; let the Cubs prolong their agony.

Boston Globe: Photoshopping the Sox

'Family Guy -- The World is Beautiful with Gore as President'

From the YouTube poster's description:

Fox ran a train on their loyal Republican audience last night with scathing episodes of The Simpson and Family Guy. In this Family Guy episode, Death allows Peter to go back in time, but when he returns to the present he discovers he is married to Molly Ringwald and Lois is married to Quagmire. An alternate version of the world is presented in which Al Gore is president,...Basically, it's paradise on earth. Enjoy the fantasy.

hat tip to Down with Tyranny

Fox Hates Black People

You knew that already, but watch this anyway for the evidence.


I saw this at ThinkProgress.

Blogtopia* Roundup, Wednesday, March 14, 2007

U.S. President George W. Bush, left, greets workers during his visit the Labradores Mayas Packing Station in the village of Chirijuyu Tecpan, Guatemala, Monday, March 12, 2007. Labradores Mayas is an agriculture cooperative for indigenous farmers from this region of the Guatemala highlands. (AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais)

Jurassic Pork at Welcome to Pottersville has a second in his series of FauxNewsChannel screencaps. (I have blog identity and blog title envy. Pottersville! Bedford Falls!)

Rhonda Bourne at Blue Mass. Group with a thoughtful post about Governor Patrick's wife Diane's depression diagnosis.

Josh Marshall at Talking Points Memo says this whole US Attorney purge was designed to get rid of Carol Lam of California who was prosecuting Duke Cunningham, Jerry Lewis, and getting close to Dusty Foggo and Porter Goss and the corruption in the CIA.

Atrios sez the Republican knives are out for Abu Gonzales; he's a dead man walking.

Jill at Brilliant at Breakfast points out another Bush privatization initiative gone horribly, horribly wrong: The levee repair in New Orleans:

Another "heckuva job" company gets a nice fat government contract in exchange for its contributions to Republicans, and this one is owned by a buddy of would-be Republican savior Jeb Bush.

Republicans love to say that government doesn't work, and of course the wags say that when Republicans are in power, they go about proving it. It's funny, though -- when Democrats are in office, government programs help people through the Great Depression, we win World War II, the Civil Rights Act is enacted, there's the longest economic expansion in American history. Democratic presidents leave little to no deficit, and Americans who are not among the wealthiest are almost always better off under Democrats than they are under Republicans.

So isn't it time we stopped trusting the government to these people?

*yes, skippy coined that phrase!