Only If a Dick Is Involved

From Amanda Marcotte at Pandagon:

Put down that turkey baster and put your hands in the air so I can see your wedding ring

Indiana's legislature is considering a law mandating that a man better get laid if a baby is being made. Seriously, that's pretty much how the bill is worded.

Republican lawmakers are drafting new legislation that will make marriage a requirement for motherhood in the state of Indiana, including specific criminal penalties for unmarried women who do become pregnant "by means other than sexual intercourse."

Hearing news like this makes me want to engage in a quickie in protest. But then I have the opposite reaction. All lawmakers' spouses in Indiana should stop having sex with their doltish husbands and wives (yes, this bill was introduced by a FEMALE SENATOR. Republican, natch, snatch or no. I give you 1-2 odds she's born again.)

Well, as I typed that I thought 'google her, you moron'. And here's what I found:

Senator Patricia L. Miller was elected a state rep. in 1982 and to the state senate in 1983. She lists her profession as Registered Nurse, and Executive Director Confessing Movement Within the United Methodist Church. A Methodist.

And what, you may ask, is the "Confessing Movement Within the United Methodist Church"? Here's their homepage. Far as I can tell, they're a conservative offshoot of the United Methodist Church, because the Methodists are too liberal for them.

God forbid these folks should have been brought up in a truly liberal church. What would they have done if their parents were Unitarians?

Well, back to my ruminating about this foolish bill. Maybe the Democratic lawmakers should introduce a bill that requires a man's marital status to be tattooed on his forehead. That would cut down on men's catting around and spreading that precious procreation seed from being scattered in unmarried vaginas.

Plus, male masturbation should be criminal. No eggs are lost in the process of female masturbation, but males again are scattering that precious seed. All Indiana men's dicks should be required to have a procreational certificate before they get off.

Nothing like a little sex humor to start off the day. Except for one thing. This is serious. This has been introduced in a state legislature.

It confirms my belief that the Bible is the most dangerous book in the world.