Friday, October 26, 2007

Random Red Sawx Notes

Boston Globe

- I just drove by two girls, maybe 10 years old, in a park on the edge of Main St., holding up a sign that said "Honk if you Love the Red Sox", both outfitted in Sox shirts and sunglasses, screamingly gleefully at each car that honked as it went by. Pure joy.

- What's with Clint Hurdle and the bobbing cap? I've never seen anyone chew their gum so intensely that those little muscles on the side of your temples could move your baseball cap. It's really weird to watch.

- Someone please give Tim McCarver and Joe Buck a big cup of STFU. I would pay extra for a TV that let me mute announcers and listen to nothing but the crowd noise.

- What's with all the limp dick ads during the World Series? Pee medicine, erection medicine, ewwwwwwww. Last night I noticed that the first one came on at 10:00 p.m. Luckily the two kids in the room were already asleep, so I didn't have to explain weak stream or four hour erections to teenagers. Are baseball fans the target audience? Is there a high percentage of men with defective equipment watching the Series? Personally, I'm sick of hearing about it.

- Jonathon Papelbon is married. Can you imagine living with him? Does he make that face at home? Is it his Baby let's do it face? (That question is definitely influenced by all those limp dick ads I've been forced to watch for the last two weeks.) Dance? Talk crazy? I'd imagine that he is exhilarating, infuriating and exhausting, all in the same day.

- Did anyone else feel kind of icky hearing the bullpen band banging out the Atlanta Braves Indian tom-tom rhythm while Jacoby Ellsbury was batting? And a couple of them were doing the tomahawk chop. To me, that's racist and not cool. John Henry: a little education is in order here.

- Ellsbury a/k/a Tacoby Bellsbury wins America a free taco with an uncontested steal. Appropriate as he is the fastest guy on the field. This NYTimes writer is offended by the taped conversations in the dugout about the Taco Bell challenge; to me they make sense. These guys didn't come from money. They probably still go to Taco Bell while making their million dollar salaries.

- I love love love Pedroia the Destroia. Especially since I'm convinced I can look him in the eye. He's listed at 5'9", but Francona says he's 5'7", and on ESPN the other night Peter Gammons said what I believe to be true: He's 5'5". He's the Muggsy Bogues of baseball! Some other guy on ESPN said Pedroia has the smallest hands he's ever seen on a major league baseball player. They don't look freakishly small to me, but the camera does put on 10 lbs.

Feel the Pedroia love: Arizona Republic, USAToady, Boston Globe, The Republican,, East Valley (AZ) Tribune, Boston Herald (his mom), Dallas Morning News, Los Angeles Times, San Diego Union Tribune.

- Best sign of the night had to be the giant dancing Papelbon puppet. The swinging legs! The compression shorts! Two-dimensional Cinco Ocho.

- Hope the Sox resign Mike Lowell, if just to save me from the horror of having to watch Alex Rodriguez, the pretty loser. I just can't cheer for the guy. Let the Cubs have him; let the Cubs prolong their agony.

Boston Globe: Photoshopping the Sox

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